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i hate cute couples unless they’re 50% me
listen, son. your dumb night light just makes it easier for the monsters to find you
a new dance move where you sit on a chair and eat pizza.  no music plays
nebraska will be the first to fall
other bloggers:  trying to have fun on this site me:  trying to win
me when I see a train:  look there’s a train
do airplanes have horns like honk honk I’m flying through
if someone tries to give you a high five they’re leaving their groin area open for attack so take advantage and teach them a lesson
I want the CIA to recruit me but I also want to pretend like I don’t care.  I’m playing hard to get
what kind of crime organization do moths join?  the mothia.  follow for more moth jokes
introverts:  sit quietly in corner reading good book and drinking tea extroverts:  throw water balloons at old man, sing too loudly, eat all the jello
i just witnessed a boy calling a vagina a penis flytrap please set me on fire
when teachers type google.com into a google search bar 
how am I supposed to follow the law in these grand theft auto games if they don’t even give me a turn signal button
if benedict cumberbatch and john green got in a fistfight who would win?   neither, it’s an alien metaphor.  haha I love memes
good gifts cold hard cash puppy trip to galapagos bad gifts hot soft cash bottle of green olives freshly used trombone
porcupines:  live in trailer, drink beer and watch duck dynasty richcupines:  own fancy mansions, drink imported wine and send their children to private school