i hate cute couples unless they’re 50% me
listen, son. your dumb night light just makes it easier for the monsters to find you
a new dance move where you sit on a chair and eat pizza. no music plays
nebraska will be the first to fall
other bloggers: trying to have fun on this site
me: trying to win
me when I see a train: look there’s a train
do airplanes have horns like honk honk I’m flying through
if someone tries to give you a high five they’re leaving their groin area open for attack so take advantage and teach them a lesson
I want the CIA to recruit me but I also want to pretend like I don’t care. I’m playing hard to get
what kind of crime organization do moths join? the mothia. follow for more moth jokes
introverts: sit quietly in corner reading good book and drinking tea
extroverts: throw water balloons at old man, sing too loudly, eat all the jello
i just witnessed a boy calling a vagina a penis flytrap please set me on fire
when teachers type google.com into a google search bar
how am I supposed to follow the law in these grand theft auto games if they don’t even give me a turn signal button
if benedict cumberbatch and john green got in a fistfight who would win? neither, it’s an alien metaphor. haha I love memes
good gifts
cold hard cash
puppy
trip to galapagos
bad gifts
hot soft cash
bottle of green olives
freshly used trombone
porcupines: live in trailer, drink beer and watch duck dynasty
richcupines: own fancy mansions, drink imported wine and send their children to private school