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school doesnt even test your intelligence it tests your memory
  • student:hey government can I have some money to go to university
  • uk government:sure here you go. you'll have to pay it back but only when you're earning £21,000+ a year, and if you don't pay it off after 30 years we'll just write it off, don't worry about it man
  • scottish government:nah man just go to uni we ain't gonna charge you
  • us government:no. you gotta pay it yourself. upfront. your parents have to save up from the moment you're born. good luck, fucker.
1k edit ellen other 5k 10k 20k oscars Academy Awards oscars 2014 my personal faves
  • my requirements for sleeping at night:is the pillow cool enough? are my legs positioned so they don't put too much weight on each other? are my arms tucked in nicely and not at odd angles? can I stop thinking about the day's events? is enough of my body out from under the blanket that I won't overheat? are my toes safely tucked in to hide them from monsters?
  • my requirements for sleeping in the morning:is the surface vaguely horizontal and not made entirely out of hornets
If a guy ever insists that you two have sex without a condom just smile really big and get teary eyed and emotional and start talking about how excited you are that he wants to have a baby with you and when he tries to interject and say that’s not what he meant, just talk loudly over him about...
1k comic The Hunger Games THG katniss everdeen cf Katniss Catching Fire im laughing so hard
remember when zack and cody entered a parallel universe and london was smart and maddie was dumb and esteban was a woman
So Fifty Shades of Grey is being advertised on bus stops and other public areas where children can see it but lord forbid if you depict a healthy gay relationship in any form of media that children might not even see because it’ll be warping kids
Lifehack: Accidentally text the wrong person? Immediately put your phone on airplane mode and once it fails to deliver, delete the message.
1k * the nightmare before christmas film 5k
What they say: There is a skeleton inside you. The truth: You are inside your skeleton. You are a brain.
1k ellen ellen degeneres 5k mystuff 10k mine: other oscars 2014 edgar the pizza guy
Life is so hard when your best friend is a 9.5/10 and you’re a strong 4 with the right filter and lighting
i love it when ppl say ‘i swing both ways’ to refer to being bisexual bc then i picture pansexuals spinning uncontrollably and screaming.
do you ever realize that there was a moment when your mom or dad put you down as a baby and never picked you up again
1k 5k this makes me happy cause it makes it feel like important information
  • October when it's 45 degrees:what have we done to deserve such a fate *puts on 3 layers of clothing, a winter coat, 2 pairs of gloves, and boots before setting foot outside*
  • March when it's 45 degrees:god has blessed us with a beautiful day honestly i feel inspired *opens windows, goes outside with no jacket, smiles at strangers as they pass by*
1k gifs cats 10k !!!!! THIS IS THE MOST PRECIOUS THING EVER??? cats!!!!! don't mind me i'm just melting and evaporating
taking a nap is always so risky like when will I wake up? in thirty minutes? in 2 hours? in 7 years?? no one can be sure
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