the true american experience is wondering if you just heard firecrackers or gunshots
"Maybe if you go to bed you’ll feel better in the morning" is literally just the human version of "Have you tried turning it off and back on again?"
i want quvenzhané wallis to host the golden globes and mispronounce the names of every single white man nominated
- student:hey government can I have some money to go to university
- uk government:sure here you go. you'll have to pay it back but only when you're earning £21,000+ a year, and if you don't pay it off after 30 years we'll just write it off, don't worry about it man
- scottish government:nah man just go to uni we ain't gonna charge you
- us government:no. you gotta pay it yourself. upfront. your parents have to save up from the moment you're born. good luck, fucker.
me: *gets really sad and has an emotional breakdown*me, ten minutes later: lmao that was so fuckin lame