- Aries:"I'm fine. It's just that life is pointless, and nothing matters, and I'm always tired."
- Taurus:"When I get bummed out, I take my shirt off because the bad feelings make me feel sweaty."
- Gemini:"I am not crying, okay? I'm allergic to jerks!"
- Cancer:"I tried to make ramen in the coffee pot and broke everything."
- Leo:"I know what things are."
- Virgo:"My whole life is a giant mess, and I love it."
- Libra:"The show must go wrong."
- Scorpio:"When they say 2% milk, I don't know what the other 98% is."
your fave is problematic: andy dwyer
once forgot to brush his teeth for five weeksdidn’t actually sell his last car, just forgot where he parked itdoesn’t know who Al Gore is and at this point is too afraid to askdoesn’t know what the other 98% is in 2% milkwhen he was a baby his head was so big they did experiments on himonce threw be...