“Yes, I am going to just ding-dong-ditch 1500 pounds of alchemists fire on the big bad’s door step.”
“So, you’re telling me that you’re ALL playing Half-Orc Bards?”
“As it turns out, the carpet matches the drapes; you have been turned to stone.”
Summoner: Does the skeleton thief have intelligence? DM: From what you can tell, yes. Summoner: Alright, then I’m going to seduce the skeleton. DM: What the- okay. Fine. Just roll. Summoner: *rolls a natural 20* Okay, so that’s gonna be 33 total to seduce the skeleton. DM: Yknow what. Fu...
"You do a perception check… (rolls die)… but you critical fail! You accidentally stare into the sun for a full minute. You are blinded for one turn."
You guys both take 17 points of cow damage.
“Y’all motherfuckers need Paladins.”
"Son, we can negotiate. Put down the god."
Over the course of a conversation regarding a prophecy, the party said the name Lucifer three times. Lucifer: Did somebody say my name? Alexandra (Paladin): Detect evi- Lucifer: Let me save you some time……….. Yes.
“Remember kids, when trying to seduce Zombies a natural 1 and a natural 20 are the exact same thing.”
“Yes, Sass is a free action”
Can I roll to kinkshame?
At the beginning of the session
DM: “Okay, do whatever you want.” *pause* DM: “No, wait, do something reasonable please.”
When the bard uses intimidate
- Cleric:I toss the light-stone into the crypt! *Rolls 20*
- Me:You have spent entirely too much time skipping rocks, as such you rebound the rock against three pillars and two skeletons before it comes to a clean stop in the center of the room.
- Cleric:...So I can see them all?
- Fighter:I WANT TO SING 'EVERY TIME WE TOUCH' AS WE CHARGE INTO BATTLE!
- Me:You're not a bard, but screw it roll Performance.
- Fighter:OKAY. *Mediocre roll*