dad jokes

A woman is at her father’s deathbed. She hasn’t seen him in years and now they only have a few moments left. "Dad, I’m sorry," she whispers. "Goodbye, Sorry," he says, "I’m dead.”

two dads have a conversation "haha yes i’m going golfing on the weekend""hello going golfing on the weekend, i’m dad""hello dad, i’m dad""hello dad, i’m dad""hel?lo ?dad, ?i?’?m? d?a?d""h???e???l??lo? ?d??ad?,?? ??i??’m?? ?d???a???d??""H????E??L????L????O???? ????...

We were driving past a cemetery and my Dad said in a dead serious quiet voice “I know something you don’t know about this place. The people living in this town aren’t allowed to be buried here.” And I was really confused so I asked why and he said "Because they’re stil...

my Dad makes dad jokes but because hes a physics teacher theyre not common dad jokes "hey dad, whats up?""Up is a directional vector with no force"

Dad: Why do bees stay inside their hives in winter? Me: I dunno…  Dad: Swarm

A guy walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. The guy asks, “What’s this about?” The bartender replies, “Well, if you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. If you miss, you pay for everyone’s drinks fo...

Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me today. Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil

Manliness increased by 2 Dad Humor increased by 5 Sneeze Volume increased by 7 decibels Ability to Relate to Kids decreased by 1 Need to Buy Lottery Tickets increased by 2 New joke unlocked: “Hi Bored, I’m dad!” New ability available for purchase: Power Sneeze