“Greek myths mention several Islands of Women, where Amazons lived without men, only consorting with neighboring colonies of males at certain...”
zeus took fuck, marry, kill way too seriously
“i. athena dresses in cool, slick suits for office hours, and then after she clocks out, she beats her knuckles in on other people’s jawbones...”
when somebody makes a good greek mythology joke
- aries:ares (determined, impulsive)
- taurus:hephaestus (kind, peaceful, has a jealous side)
- gemini:dionysus (fun, lighthearted, easily misunderstood)
- cancer:artemis (friendly, protective, sensitive)
- leo:zeus (regal, in control and strong)
- virgo:poseidon (noble, critical, and moody)
- libra:aphrodite (attractive without trying, has a seductive nature, vain)
- scorpio:hera (majestic, vindictive)
- Ares:I’ve got an idea.
- Athena:We’re not going to murder anyone.
- Ares:I don’t have any ideas.
- Zeus:im gonna put my dick in it
- Everyone:dont put ur dick in it
- Zeus:toO LaTE
Greek Mythology in 5 words
Unfortunately, Zeus was feeling horny.
Alright Persephone, time with the hubbie is up get your ass out of the Underworld so we can have spring.
“I survived because the fire inside me was stronger than the fire around me.”
“it takes centuries, but the gods forget. hades has distant memories of the dark: he takes his home with him, huddling in blankets under wha...”
Okay but imagine: Persephone making a flower crown for Hades and it’s his favorite thing ever and he wears it all the time and nobody would ever say anything bad about it because a.) are u really gonna insult the God of the underworld and b.) everyone in the underworld loves Perse she’s like the den...
“Not all gods.”
Persephone is the goddess of flowers and is adorable and smart and she probably only wears pastels and at the same time she’s the queen of hell and if that’s not life goals I don’t know what is
greek mythology is all fun and games until someone has sex with zeus then shit goes down and hera comes up with her jealous ass ready to whoop some bitch
but seriously though i’m sick and tired of those masterposts that are like “here! A reference site on Greek mythology for all your needs! Look it has all fifteen Greek gods on it!” And I’m like. tHERE WERE LIKE HUNDREDS OF FIGURES IN MYTHOLOGY YOUR CRAPPY HIGH SCHOOL LEVEL BIBLIOGRAPHY SITE ME...
- Zeus:Don't fight Zeus. You'll only end up sleeping with him. On second thought, do fight Zeus.
- Hera:Look, I'm not saying anyone is really going to try to stop you, but I am saying she is petty as shit and will dedicate the rest of your life to destroying you in other ways. Your call.
- Poseidon:You could probably fight Poseidon. Dude is built like a brick shithouse but he'd think it was a good time and buy you a beer afterwards.
- Demeter:Are you fucking kidding? She created a new season the last time someone really pissed her off. Do not fucking fight Demeter.
- Hades:Fight Hades, but only in spring, and then ask to see pictures of his dog.
- Hestia:Are you Satan
- Aphrodite:Arguably the lowest reward to risk ratio on this list. What is even the point here. Might as well save us all some time and punch yourself in the groin.
- Athena:If you must, a sneak attack is required, and even then you’re still probably boned. Alternately, distract her first with statements such as "Mozart is an overrated hack" and "Garfield is not funny."