the first person you kiss for real, and i don’t mean on the lips, because no, that’s not what real means, i mean the first person you kiss with your soul, with your entire being. that one you’ll remember for the rest of your life. and you won’t remember the taste of their lips, or the feel of their skin, but you will remember the way your whole body seemed to tingle for hours after.
you might not remember the first person who held your hand, but you will remember the one whose hand you sought. you will remember the darkness, and how it seemed like your hand was travelling for a million light years, and their skin was warm, and your fingers were shaking. you will remember uncertainty, and you will remember how good it felt to be let in.
the one who breaks your heart for the first time. and see, here’s the thing, the really, really tricky thing - it doesn’t have to be the first person you kiss, or the first person you’ve ever you thought you loved, or the first one you really let inside your heart. it doesn’t have to be any of the firsts in your life, and you can’t prepare for it and you can’t anticipate it and you won’t be able to just get over it, even with all the ice cream and chocolate and shopping trips. the first person who breaks your heart you will remember forever, but here’s a secret - you won’t love them forever, and you will only miss them for a little while. just a little while longer.
the one who mends your heart. and it might be weeks, months or years later, but you will meet someone and suddenly it will feel like you are whole again and not just pieces that don’t quite fit and don’t make any sense. you will meet someone and you will remember all the things you used to love about love, having someone to love in your life, you will remember how kissing used to be fun and staying up to talk until 3am never felt like a waste. you will remember and you will feel again. and their name, the way it felt like relief every time it stumbled off your lips, will stay with you, long after they’re gone and you’ve moved on.
the perfect one. the one who your friends will love and the one your mother will bake cakes for. the one who will bring you breakfast in bed and make you cookies to cheer you up after a bad day. the one who will buy you perfect gifts, and no, i don’t mean expensive, i mean the things that you will keep for years, because they were what you always wanted to have, they’re the kind of person you wanted to be. but see - you won’t really fit, you’ll realise that who you are, and who he sees are two different beings. them, you will remember, but you will never wonder. you will be sure when you say goodbye, you will be certain they’re not the one.
the one. and they won’t really be the one, because they’ll do the wrong thing and say the wrong thing and really, they’ll be nothing like what you’ve imagined. but you’ll love them and they’ll love you back, the right way, the way that will make you feel alive, the way that will make you feel light, like you’re floating in a cloudless sky.
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