I am sometimes afraid that maybe, you have fallen ”
for the idea of me, the thought that lingers in your
mind at 1 AM. I don’t know why, I guess it’s just a fear.
There’s been so many people that have peeled off
my first layer, and ran away because they couldn’t
handle it. Deep down inside I am a dark person, a
person whose flowers never bloom, and always
stay dead, even in spring. I know that you tell me,
you love the way I nuzzle into your neck, and how
I wear red lipstick too much, and when I laugh it’s
genuine. You tell me that you love how I am a light
in your life, and I can’t help but almost shiver when
I think of it. I am not a light, there is no light inside me,
I am nothing but dull and doomed. I just fear that
when you slowly knock down my walls, you will see
the real me. I am not amazing, or perfect, I am sad
deep down inside. I am rotting from the inside out
and my heart is nothing but scarred, and the first
time I have ever felt okay is when I found you.
When I found you there was some hope in me that
you’d be the sun to shine into my soul, to plant
seeds, and water them with love, then I’d grow,
you’d grow. I am just so damn scared, that you
will be scared. I know I am rough around the
edges, and sometimes I cut you, and it’s deep
and it hurts. But I do love you, despite this fear,
despite the chance of you leaving, I love you.
Just please, love me, the real me. Don’t run away,
because even though there are times I think
about leaving, it’s only to save you, but I won’t
leave. I promise, as long as you promise.