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Dwarves are into S&M; stone and masonry

1784 notes / 5 years 7 months ago
DM: Ok, so the velociraptor is cuddling with you in your bed.
Would you be offended if I started looting?
DM: “The orb of light begins to escape”Ranger: “I roll to seduce it”Ranger: *Rolls 20*DM: *Sighs heavily*
A d100 is like a golf ball with bees inside of it.
"I flirt with him" "…He rejects your advances" "I break his other leg."
So uh, your reflex is so low, you can get hit by still objects, but your fortitude is so high that if a venomous snake were to bite you, the...
Rogue: “It’s not stealing if you have the key.” DM: “But you stole the key.” Rogue: “What’s your p...
Dwarves are into S&M; stone and masonry
Player: I roll to see what the door is made out of. (*rolls a nat 1*) DM: You are convinced it’s made out of chocolate.
(Our party is walking down a dark alley when the rogue hears a noise.) Rogue: I draw my rapier.Fighter: I put up my shield.Cleric: I prepare a spell.Monk: I set myself on fire. Bitch, get at me. (He had a feat.)
"Please tell me someone has Diplomacy.""Nope. Just Intimidate.""I guess we’re gonna have Batman-style interrogation for everything."
"Can I give him a lap dance?" "How the hell would you give a centaur a lap dance?! -Our orc rogue arguing with the DM