Never apologize for your giant dogs getting overexcited, if I get taken down by a 100 pound mass of fluff then that’s how I go.
when u tryna be cheesy but everyone around u is laughtose intolerant
*slam dunks a pumpkin* fall is life
today i corrected someone who said accidentally said the monster’s name was frankenstein and i said “frankenstein was the scientist not the monster” then my professor went “but was frankenstein not the monster?” and i had to sit down for a minute
when my dog had surgery he cried a lot the first night, but he’d stop when i laid down beside him. so i crawled into his cage with him so he’d stop crying and pet him until he fell asleep. i fell asleep with him and when i woke up, that bITCH WAS ON MY BED AND LEFT ME IN THE CAGE
If you ever think you’ve made bad decisions just remember what it must feel like to be one of the 12 publishers that turned down Harry Potter.
today my coworker just casually stated that she is a huge fan of this british tv show called sherlock and asked me if i know anything about it and i just..
- BFF:Grandmother I need to talk to you
- Grandma:[concerned voice] What? What is it? Are you sick?
- BFF:No, no. Grandma. I'm gay.
- BFF:I'm gay Grandma. I have a girlfriend now.
- Grandma:[relieved voice] Oh honey, is that all? I thought you had cancer. Anytime someone needs to tell me something they are sick. Who's your girlfriend, when is her birthday? I'll bake her a pie.
smoke weed, fine. graffiti, fucking do it man. party at strip clubs, more power to you. but dont you fucking dare drive while drunk. you could kill someone else or yourself. do whatever you want unless you’re going to fuck up someone elses life.