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"Don’t kid yourself" would be a great slogan for birth control pills
people say ‘I love you’ in a lot of different ways 'eat something' 'buckle up' 'get some sleep' 'i want to give you multiple consecutive orgasms'
it’s funny because even white girls make fun of white girls
2015 is only 5 months away, just let that sink in
do old people masturbate
whenever you see a hot person you act like you don’t notice them meanwhile you are screaming inside 
Things I never learned in high school: How to do taxes What taxes are How to vote How to write a resume/cover letter Anything to do with banking How to apply for loans for college How to buy a car or a house …but thank my lucky stars, I can tell you all about Pythagorean Theorems.
my mom asked me if i wanted cake and then i was like “no i’m ocake” i literally can’t handle myself sometimes
how to take a math test:1. pi2. cry3. die
when i was in year 5, i did a speech on clumsiness for my school’s public speaking contest and to be clever, i tripped on my way to the stage dropping my note cards all over the place, but then i pulled the real ones out of my pocket saying ‘if you’re going to be clumsy, it pays to...
i don’t trust people who set their alarms at the weekend
Meeting with my professor like "About this grade…."
which female character is your favorite? yes
"High school is the best 4 years of your life." NO STOP YOU ARE LYING YOU ARE A LIAR YOU ARE LYING TO ME
janitor: let me move this trash *picks u up*
"Sorry I am busy being emotionally unavailable right now. Please call again later."
u cant trust people who step on flowers
DONT • ignore me DO • not ignore me
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