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"Don’t kid yourself" would be a great slogan for birth control pills
it’s funny because even white girls make fun of white girls
do old people masturbate
whenever you see a hot person you act like you don’t notice them meanwhile you are screaming inside 
Things I never learned in high school: How to do taxes What taxes are How to vote How to write a resume/cover letter Anything to do with banking How to apply for loans for college How to buy a car or a house …but thank my lucky stars, I can tell you all about Pythagorean Theorems.
my mom asked me if i wanted cake and then i was like “no i’m ocake” i literally can’t handle myself sometimes
when i was in year 5, i did a speech on clumsiness for my school’s public speaking contest and to be clever, i tripped on my way to the stage dropping my note cards all over the place, but then i pulled the real ones out of my pocket saying ‘if you’re going to be clumsy, it pays to...
i don’t trust people who set their alarms at the weekend
Meeting with my professor like "About this grade…."
how to take a math test:1. pi2. cry3. die
"High school is the best 4 years of your life." NO STOP YOU ARE LYING YOU ARE A LIAR YOU ARE LYING TO ME
janitor: let me move this trash *picks u up*
DONT • ignore me DO • not ignore me
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u cant trust people who step on flowers
"What are you twelve" Yeah on a scale of one to ten bye
1f y0u c4n r34d 7h15 you r34lly n33d t0 g3t 0ff 7h3 c0mpu73r.
Trying to write a story Trying to reply to an amazing role player without screwing up Forgetting to message someone back Trying to talk to people
eyebrows are so important, they can change a face from happy to angry